My work here is done

It's my last day at work. My desk is basically cleaned out. Don't have much else to do but wait until the bell rings.

Not sure if it's really sunk in yet. I've been with this organization for almost two years.

Not sure what else to say, except that things didn't end the way I had envisioned them. But I guess that's life. Especially in the non-profit world.

He smiles!

Well, it took him around 10 weeks or so, but Gabe is finally showing his true character! He is smiling! Yep- that's him with his happy mom (my sister, Sharon). Compare this beautiful angel with what he looked like just a month ago, and there is no comparison.

Boy, has he grown! Look at him, so happy to be alive! He's gaining weight at a regular pace, and rumors out of Highland Park have it that he's just itching to make sounds and communicate with more than just a cry.

Luckily for me, I will have first-hand knowledge of all this pretty soon. Next weekend can't come fast enough!

"Through my own strength and ability, I have accomplished this great thing"

Deutoronomy 8:17.

I don't usually pull quotes from the Torah out of my back pocket, but this is one they teach you when you're young to always remember: the Israelites are warned that they will be tempted to see the fruit of their labor as their own accomplishments, and God reminds them that they should never get arrogant and over-confident, because everything is in the hands of God. Nothing is ever accomplished without some kind of Divine providence (the extent of Divine providence can and always will be debated- i.e., how much free will do we actually have, etc.) and we shouldn't forget that when feeling proud about our successes.

If you're even minimally aware of the news, then you've probably already seen some of the coverage of the terrible devestation that has occurred in the South from Hurricane Katrina. Reading the articles and seeing the pictures, one can't help but feel small and powerless. But just reading this article in today's New York Times, the above quote immediately popped into my head. Just look at the headline: "After Centuries of 'Controlling' Land, Gulf Learns Who's the Boss." And this quote:

Although early travelers realized the irrationality of building a port on shifting mud in an area regularly ravaged by storms and disease, the opportunities to make money overrode all objections.

Far be it for me to judge those who have worked hard building lives and communities in that area; what in the world do I know already? But what other assessment can we come to?

The article ends by stating the obvious sad reality:

"With billions of dollars sunk into the soil in southern Louisiana and the Gulf Coast," Dr. Kelman said, "it's kind of too late. We're there, and we're staying there."

Tens of thousands will be homeless for some time. Lives have been lost and ruined. At times like these, when there really isn't anything most of us can do but sit and watch and donate money to help rebuild, I find it cathartic to examine my own life and actions, and remind myself how much I actually hold no control over. But those things I can control...

3 Friends

One of the first things I learned after moving to Washington is that this town is a pretty transitional place. People come and go very very quickly. From the students to the lobbiests, Hill staff, and everyone else. And I guess it makes sense. Mix that with expensive housing, little space, and the fact that DC is not NY, and you get a very transitional Jewish community as well.

The last two years have been pretty stable for me (forgetting for a moment that my professional life has been pretty much in flux since moving here, but that's a rant for another day)- I've grown to love the community, have absolutely wonderful friends, and people like me (hey, that's important!). Though I miss my family very much (understatement), suffice it to say, I'm happy here.

So I guess I was due for a little bit of a shake up.

First, Maria goes ahead and graduates on me. Two years in graduate school, and she ups and leaves. The nerve! Maria and I first met seven years ago in college. We had a fun for four years in Queens. Despite our different heritage, culture, and religious affiliation, Maria and I found out very quickly how much we have common. She's part of a select group of people who challenge me on all levels and who knows me inside and out. I left to Syracuse in 2002, but 12 months, 180 some-odd inches of snow, and 1 MPA later, I moved to DC and there is Maria, joining me in the nation's capital for two years. But then she had to graduate and get a job in NY. PBTH.

Then, Marti decides to move across the country. Despite the difficulties we faced when we first met in Syracuse, Marti quickly became a voice of reason and a dear companion through the last two chapters of my life. Those who know me well know the positive impact she has had on my way of life. Nuf said. Done. And done.

So already two huge supporting actors in this reality show called My Life leave me. What next?

Jesse decides to go to law school.

Looking back, I can say with certainty that I got real lucky hooking up with the crowd I hang with now. There's nothing quite like them. And Jesse had a lot to do with the dynamic of our group. It could very well be that my fondness for Jesse is tied to our crazy obsession with the Mets. And for a while, I thought that that was the only thing we could all talk about. But then we bonded over different things, and our friendship grew. And I kinda got used to our routine of watching Mets games at the 51st State, having Shabbat meals together, playing games, baseball road trips, car rides to the 'burbs, and just random conversations.

So after a month of goodbye parties, three hours of packing the van and ice cream last night, Mr. Grauman left from Washington. Needless to say, I'll miss him.

Hey, at least I still have Charlie.

Yom Huledet Sameach!

Dearest Bobosh, (the word for "grandfather" in Bucharian, the Russian dialect that my grandparents speak)

Happy birthday!

You turn 82 today. I wish I could be there to give you a giant kiss and celebrate, but alas, I'm 250 miles away. Mommy tells me that everyone came over last night to eat dinner and sing happy birthday. I'm sure you loved it. I can just imagine the happy look on your face as they sang and you tried so hard to remember the words and hum the tune. You love to sing.

Each passing year has become even more special for us, since you were diagnosed with Alzheimers eight years ago. The birthday celebrations are different, because you can't really participate anymore, but they just give us another excuse to visit and spend time with you. If only you knew how much everyone loves you. Yes, our relationship has changed, because of this stupid disease that is slowly and painstakenly taking you away from us, but the love just grows and grows. What was once a love based on respect and fear of the father of the family has turned into plain, unadulterated love and devotion. There is no denying how all of this has pulled us together.

If you could just see your family now, you would be so proud of us. We have followed in your footsteps of putting chesed (loving-kindness) in front of all else. We haven't forgotten how dedicated you were to your synagogue and community, how you always brought back from Israel a ton of pairs of tefillin for disadvantaged boys in Queens, and how your first reaction was to give, give, and give some more. You were a giant of goodness in your time.

I love you, Saba. I miss you- all of you - so much. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best day and may this 83rd year be one of peace for you and everyone around you.

From the bottom of my heart,

Elanit

The long road ahead

The future isn't so rosy, apparently, for the settlers who have to try and rebuild their lives elsewhere in the State of Israel. The following is from someone I know in Israel, who lives in Alon Shvut, part of the Gush Etzion settlement just east of Jerusalem.

At the present moment, these people do NOT have a bright future. They are being offered compensation, but it is absolutely NOT adequate to compensate for what they have lost. They are preparing lawsuits against the government demanding much more money, and may eventually win, but at the present moment that is not guaranteed. The money they are being offered, in almost every case, is not enough to rebuild the lives they had before.

To test this out, I went to the website of the Disengagement Authority. They have an "online calculater" there that residents of Gaza can use to determine what compensation they are entitled to. To check it out, I decided to do a test. I pretended that I was one of them, and answered all the questions about my house and life in Alon Shvut as if I lived there. I told them how many kids I had, what size my house is, how long I have owned it, the fact that I work outside of the area being evacuated, etc. And when it was finished, the figure it gave me for all the various compensations put together was roughly the amount of money my house is worth. But if you think about it, that's not enough. If I was being forced out of my home under those conditions, I'd need much more. Like rental costs for the 2-3 years it might take me to build a new home. Moving costs. Costs for new furniture because my old stuff might not be suitable to the new home. Anyone who moves knows that it costs a lot of money. And on top of all that, to be fair, they should be given money to cover all of that and then additional compensation for emotional stress as well. They are being forcibly evicted from their communities against their will, on only a few months' notice, and they are entitled to compensation for that, as well as major assistance in rebuilding their lives. And although the government brags that "there is a solution for every settler", in reality it's just not true.

More importantly, the government is not offering them any options. The government does NOT have anywhere near enough homes. They said they were building temporary housing for them in Nizan, and they actually built homes there, but only for about 1/4 of the people. And the houses there are tiny. There was a story in the paper a few weeks ago about a family that agreed to move into one of those temporary homes (which are meant to last them for at least 2-3 years until something more permanent can be built). The family has been evicted by the government from a large home that was 280 square meters in area, and they arrived to pick up the keys for the home that they had signed on to receive, and discovered it was 60 square meters! They were fighting and begging to be given a larger one...90 square meters. And they had been told they weren't eligible.

Although most of the Gush Katif settlers are ideologically committed to staying there no matter what, there were settlers from the (largely Secular) communities in the Northern Gaza strip who said months ago that they would agree to move peacefully if the government gave them proper alternative housing arrangements, and as of last week still had not moved because the government came up with no options for them.

And it gets worse. Most of the people there are now unemployed, and the government has no options for them. A lot of them are now already in serious financial trouble. And no one has the foggiest idea where all of these children are going to be going to school in two weeks. And after this meeting I was just at, I see that it's even worse than what I heard before.

The most basic things have not been taken care of. Like, for example, the government arranged for hotel rooms for them to stay in for at least a few weeks until they figure out what they are going to do, and they are being given "half board" in the hotel - two meals a day (breakfast and dinner). But these are families with small children - they can't be expected to skip lunch! Or laundry service. Nobody thought of where they are supposed to do their laundry. And 100 other such details.

By all accounts, whatever one's political opinions are, these people are not criminals and they are not enemies of the state. They are law-abiding tax-paying citizens who went there at the request of previous governments who felt it was important to settle that area, and now the government changed its mind and they are being forced out. More than that, they are pioneers who sacrificed so much for the country's security. They have broken no laws and done nothing wrong. But after all the flowery speeches are over, that's the way they are being treated. The whole compensation thing is terribly inadequate and terribly disorganized. It seems the government did a very good job at planning exactly how to destroy Gush Katif, down to the last detail, but did almost nothing to prepare for rebuilding it.

Religious Zionism

I have been trying for a long time to synthesize my dream of yishuv ha'aretz with the way I see the world- pragmatically speaking, how can we (read: Israel) make it possible and successful yet keep to our humanity and the call of being a light unto the nations? I don't buy into the argument that we have sincerely done so and tried our best but the world still hates us regardless. It's more complicated than that. I'm not naive, though, and I recognize that anti-Semitism exists and that in some parts of the world, regardless of what we do, we will be vilified and hated.

But in the deepest parts of my heart and soul, I just can't imagine this is the vision God had for us. Which is why this has been so hard for me. Across the board, religious Zionists are so blinded by their love for Israel that I believe they have lost their moral compass. Israel is perfect, she can do no wrong, they say. Israel abides 100% by agreements made, it's the other side who doesn't. Everything Israel does is for security purposes and therefore her actions against other human beings are justifiable.

You would be surprised at how many Palestinians who have been interviewed this week said that they actually empathized with the settlers who are being evicted from their homes. Why? Because many of them have gone thru the same thing. But no one in Israel cried for them, wore orange ribbons for them, or protested for them. I think the majority of Israelis, and Jews around the world, probably went about their daily business, not even knowing that anything was going on.

This conflict has desensitized us from the real tragedy here. It has dehumanized the other and made us see the other side fully as animals and not real people. And that's just our relationship with the Palestinians. What about the rest of Israeli society?

Someone I know in Israel asked me yesterday why there isn't an outpouring of support for the settlers who now have to somehow rebuild their lives somewhere else. He asked, why are only other settlers, West Bank settlers, gathering in groups to support those who will be living in hotels and hostels for the time being? Why doesn't the rest of the country see this tragedy for what it is and help resettle their brothers and sisters?

My answer is simple. Yet again, the debate has turned into one of religious vs. secular. The majority of orange-wearing anti-disengagement protestors are dati (religious). In fact, those are the only ones who were left by the time the deadline to leave past. The non-dati packed and are gone. Unfortunately, when the debate turns to religious-v-secular, things get ugly, and these are the ramifications.

And I can understand (not read as: justify) why this is. When the debate turns to halacha and Torah (ie, God said this and we must do that), it turns the majority of people off. It's a seeming holier than thou attitude that rubs the wrong way. ANd when that is combined with civil (and not-so-civil) disobedience; with what many see as a smack in the face of the democratic process; when the loud rabbinic voices aren't talking about achdut (unity) dafka in terrible times like these but of disobeying military orders and others talk of threats to the life of the prime minister, etc., then that is what unfortunately becomes the face of the dati community, across the board.

How many times has it been said that what's really going to kill us is the war between ourselves and not our external enemies? And it has all come to a head here. Our rabbis, and Religious Zionism, has failed us. And that is the greatest tragedy.

Bambi Sheleg composed a beautiful and sad piece in today's Jerusalem Post which does more justice to these thoughts than I could ever do. It's a must read.

It will take a generation

I am for the disengagement. While I firmly believe that this plan should not have been undertaken unilaterally without a partner on the other side coordinating efforts together, I still believe that in the grander scheme of things, Israel will be better off for it.

Even in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when our leaders were secretly negotiating peace deals in Madrid and Oslo, they knew this is how it would play out. When Arafat and Rabin shook hands reluctantly on the White House lawn, Rabin saw the images of Yamit in his head and probably wondered how in the world he would be able to evacuate parts of the West Bank and Gaza when it would come time to do so. Anyone with a brain knew that this was the end game. How else would land-for-peace work?

I won't detail all the reasons why I am for the disengagement. It really won't be any different from what you will or have already read. I don't think this move is actually "rewarding" terror. It's a reality check. And anyone who thinks or is expecting "peace" to come as quickly now as they were expecting it in the 90s is just delusional. This is a process that will take DECADES. A generation. Maybe more. Terror won't end in an instant. It might never end. But that's not a reason to not look for every single possible road to achieve peace.

There will always be opponents to peace between Israelis and Palestinians- on both sides. The only way is to minimize the number. Remove the walls that are holding people back from recognizing the other side. It's a re-educating of a generation- Palestinian and Israeli. Slowly, it will come. Slowly, the Palestinians will rebuild the foundations of their society and the youth will demand a transparent and accountable government. When other options present themselves as realistic, they will turn away from the goods that are being provided to them by the terror groups.

And at the same time, Israelis will recognize that it just doesn't make sense to hold onto parts of the West Bank and Gaza. Gaza is gone, and at some point, Israel must start talking about the West Bank too. If you think Gaza was (is) hard, the West Bank will be even harder. But that's just the way it is.

More to come...

Good News for the World

A new Mets fan will be joining the Rothschild family sometime around February 2006, please God. My brother and his wife are expecting their first child. Yay!!

Gabe is really excited. He'll have a cousin around his age to grow up with.

:-D

Disengaged

I've been trying for a while to organize my thoughts on the Disengagement in Gaza that is going on as we speak. It's been a long time since I wrote on the topic of Israel and peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. Long time = 5 years. I was silenced back in October 2000, when everything that I believed in fell apart, and I took a step back, because it was so hard to accept the reatlity of the day. I started to question a lot of things and just stopped thinking and talking about it, hoping it would just go away.

But, this morning an email from a person I respect was sitting in my inbox this morning. The bait was there and I took it. The quote that boiled the blood:

"Perhaps, just perhaps, the reason we now have to leave areas of Eretz Yisrael is some kind of Midah Kneged Midah for Am Yisrael still not enbracing Yishuv Eretz Yisrael en masse. And if so, the call for 'teshuva' takes on a very specific, practical meaning."

So I spent the last two hours composing my response. Here it is. Later today or maybe tomorrow, I will post additional thoughts on the disengagement itself. Is there anyonne else out there who feels totally helpless? I fear a calamity of significant proportions- not the one that many others are fearing. But a civil war.

For the last few weeks, I have been trying to put my thoughts on the disengagement together, in a coherent fashion. But everytime I would sit down ready to write, I would have nothing to say. For the last year, I figured the professional writers would be my voice and there would be no need for me to say anything more than what has already been said. Why clutter the stage with repetition?

But it's here, and I can't stay silent anymore. I wasn't planning on responding to the two MMY emails, but I have to. You might think that the resident leftist in the group disagrees vehemently with your words, but surprisingly, I don't- at least not vehemently. But, Rabbi Katz, one thing you wrote shocked and surprised me, which is why I'm writing this in the first place.

First, you know how much I respect you, and how thankful I am to you both. Without MMY, I probably wouldn't have gone to Israel for the year. And without MMY, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Cliche, but true. So, with that in mind, I continue writing. With respect.

I think it's very wrong to say (and to believe) that this disengagement is a "midah k'neged midah for am Yisrael still not embracing Mitzvat Yishuv Eretz Yisrael en masse." In fact, to me, it's quite insulting. Reading that made me think back to my high school teacher who sat me down in my junior year to tell a naive and innocent me that now would be a good time for me to start keeping shabbat, because she is about to have surgery. If I don't keep shabbat, maybe something will go wrong. And the zechut of me keeping shabbat, will save her life. At first, I didn't think that was such a big deal. And then I realized what she was doing and was disgusted by it.

So basically what you're saying is that if us Jews living chutz l'aretz all got up and made aliyah and convinced others along to way to join us, God would be happy with us and this wouldn't happen. Because the only major issue plaguing the Jewish people today is the lack of Jews moving to Israel.

The Torah states very simply in Parshat B'chukotai that, "if you will follow my statutes and keep my mitzvot and perform them...You will live in your land with security and I will give peace in the land and you will lie down without fear..." Sforno explains that this refers to one who accepts the Torah upon himself and integrates it as a way of life. Only when one truly and fully delves to understand the purpose and manner of observance and performs the mitzvot with the understanding of their ultimate purpose, can one truly reflect the tzelem Elokim, and only then is it considered performing the will of God.

This can be interpreted in many ways, but I see it simply as making all of Torah part of one's life. Not just some of the mitzvot, like shmirat shabbat, kashrut, taharat hamishpacha- the major 3 that we all somehow judge others by. Not even just mitzvat yishuv ha'aretz. ESPECIALLY because it's not a black-and-white issue. Yes, it's important. But just like the pains all of our teachers go thru to make sure the girls understand that we shouldn't "flip like pancakes" in Israel and return to our parents and decree that their home is no longer kosher (because it's not black and white, and there are many complicated issues involved), this should be the same. Encouragement is a great thing. Learning the texts inside is wonderful and important. But with that comes the understanding that there are different views on the subject, and no one is going to get struck by lightening if they don't happen to make it. And God forbid anyone should feel that it's their fault that the settlers are getting removed from Gaza simply because they are still living chutz l'aretz.

To me, all of Torah means just that. The bein adam l'makom and the bein adam l'chavero. We've discussed this so many times. But unfortunately the sad truth is that many who call themselves religious lack true people skills. We lack respect for one another, despite our differences. I feel this tearing of my heart when I see how people are treating one another now- here in the United States but dafka in Israel, where those who have made the sacrifice (should) understand the depth of the meaning of the pasuk which states that the land will spew out all those who transgress. That the land is super-sensitive to any transgression, because it is so holy.

The great divide plaguing the Jewish community today is not that some of us haven't taken the mitzvah of yishuv Eretz Yisrael seriously enough. It's the simple fact that we hold on to the bein adam l'makom so tightly, with dear life, that we totally disregard the other half. God eventually forgives our transgressions towards Him if we ask for it. But there is no forgiveness the other way if we don't seek it out with our brothers first.

I don't mean for this to sound preachy. It's not my intent and I hope it doesn't read that way. I am dreading every moment from now up until and thru Wednesday and beyond, just the same as you. And I am praying that nothing terrible happens and that it goes thru successfully, with as little physical injury and harm to all involved. Short of Mashiach arriving (which I await with baited breath), how can I hope for anything different?

L'shalom,
Elanit

Mr. Hines Responds

The response from the Customer Support Team:

Dear Ms. Rothschild:

We appreciate your interest in Pinnacle Foods Corporation.

The recipe for this product has changed as a result of our continuing efforts to
improve Duncan Hines® products.  Research and Development staff evaluate products
and investigate opportunities for improvement on a regular basis.  Consumer
research is conducted to ensure these modifications are preferred.  We have
forwarded your comments to our Marketing Team.

Thank you for taking the time to email us.  Contact us again if we can be
of assistance in the future.

Sincerely,Teresa Madden
Consumer Services Representative000530370A

As I wrote a few days ago, Stella Doro made a change and then switched back after they realized it was a bad bad move. Spread the word and keep the complaints comin! Their cakes may not be the absolute best, but when it comes down to 1 hour before shabbat and you ran out of time to get the rugalach, where else are you gonna turn?

Keep Duncan Hines pareve!

My Kosher Today Weekly News Update was delivered via email this morning and I was very disapointed to learn that Duncan Hines cake mixes will soon become dairy. For some reason, the marketing people believe that they will sell more cakes with this new dairy ingredient. Unfortunately for Orthodox Jews and the lactose-intolerant the world over, this is bad bad news. Duncan Hines was the last hold-out of all the cake mix companies to stay pareve and now that they are going dairy, what are we to make 1 hour before shabbat when we need a dessert for dinner? What, are we to turn to fruit? What is a strawberry without chocolate cake or a Friday afternoon without finger-likin' marble cake batter to eat before showering for Shabbat?

Just a few years ago, Stella Doro's famous "streimel cookies" (aka, "swiss fudge") went dairy for a little while, and then after all the Jews of Brooklyn protested, they sheepishly took the diary cookies off the market and went back to the pareve recipe. Let's hope Duncan Hines doesn't make the same embarassing mistake. Send Mr. Hines some feedback here and let him know exactly how much business he stands to lose by giving in to the milky side.

Carpet Baggers

Yesterday I learned from Ari that Henry Bonilla, Republican representative from Texas, introduced a bill on July 28 to rename 16th Street, NW, "Ronald Reagan Boulevard."

I won't even get into my thoughts on the matter- the quotes below sum it up quite nicely.

Rep. Tom Davis, Republican from Virginia, who is the chairman of the committee that oversees DC affairs (DC = child, Congress = parent, apparently), has promised to kill the measure.

"I think the proposal is ridiculous. We'll put it in the appropriate file."

"We've named the Ronald Reagan airport, we have the Ronald Reagan building downtown, but I think if Mr. Bonilla wants to name anything else, he ought to look to his own district in San Antonio."

DC Mayor Anthony Williams said that Bonilla should fine "suitable sites" in Texas if he feels that more streets should be named after Reagan.

Very nice. Very nice indeed. I'll bet Mr. Bonilla didn't even think about how much money the renaming would actually cost (approximately $1 million) the district, let alone how ridiculous it would be to rename 16th Street as a boulevard. I'll bet he has no clue that Pierre L'Enfant, who designed DC, had a system for naming the streets here: boulevards generally have medians, moron, and 16th Street doesn't.

It's about f'ing time Congress leave DC alone and let the City Council and mayor take care of things themselves. You know, the representatives I, a resident of the District, actually VOTED for.

Asalam wa Allekum

Wa allekum asalam!

I started my Arabic class last night, given by the USDA Graduate School (don't ask me why the grad school is affiliated with the USDA, I have no idea). There courses during the semester are 10 weeks, but in the summer, they offer a 5 week intensive course, which means 3 hours every Monday and Wednesday evening until the beginning of September. I know it, I'm crazy.

This isn't the first time I started taking Arabic. Last year, I registered to take beginner's Arabic with the Middle East Institute, but they were not so convenient to get to at 6pm, and I was finding it difficult to really learn the new letters, so I dropped it after three classes. But I realized that it would help me immensely in terms of getting a job and doing field work, so I took the plunge and registered with the USDA. Their building is at L'Enfant Plaza, so it's on the way home from work, and I heard their classes are good. And, as luck would have it, they are using the same text I needed to purchase for the MEI class.

So, I'm sitting in class last night, and halfway thru, I remember why I dropped out last year in the first place. The letters are friggin confusing!! Take the B, T, N, Th, and E sounds. They all look the same. The only difference between them is the dots above or below the letter. And then, once they are all connected when you write out words (you write only in script), it just looks like a bunch of lines and dots. There is hardly any definition to the shapes!

I'm hoping to plow thru it though. I can request a refund up until the 3rd class, so if I can force myself to showing up thru next week, I will lose all justification to drop out and will have to finish. I guess 5 weeks isn't so long anyways.

Illa Lekha! (until we meet again)
Ma asalama. (go with safety)

Happiness

:)

That's all. Just wanted to share a smile.

OK, so how about those fries?

An addendum to my rant below on the kosher restaurant situation. (Check out David's rant as well.) Here's what I'd like to see.

• A trained wait staff.
• If the kitchen has run out of a certain food item, such as french fries, don't automatically assume I'll want onion rings instead. I might be allergic to onion rings and that assumption right there that might just open the place up to a huge lawsuit. Instead, come to me with choices of what's available- potato chips, cole slaw, vegetables, baked potato. There are options. Use them. The goal is to ensure customer satisfaction even under difficult circumstances.
  
• Ask me what kind of salad dressing I want with my salad and don't take 20 minutes to bring the dressing after you've already served the salad.
• Know the menu. If I ask for "Eli's Club," you should know that it's a sandwhich on the menu (the name "Eli" should probably ring a bell too.)
• Please make sure that the ketchup and mustard bottles on my table are somewhat full, and not fully empty.
  
• If there is a line of people waiting to get a table, keep an accurate list and remember that there is not much room for people to wait inside, so some may be waiting outside. Don't assume they left.
• If I order chicken fingers or onion rings or something else from the appetizer list, and since I'm paying more than $5 for it, is it possible to ask for at least a semi-full plate instead of a half-empty plate of food?
• How about just making the bowl of pickles a standard, just like cups of water?
• Please don't ever close your doors earlier than your advertised closing time. (No, this particular establishment hasn't done so yet, but a bunch of others in the area have, and it's not right. Call this one a pre-emptive suggestion.)
  

That's all I can think of. Honestly, I don't think any of this is asking for too much. The Jews of DC want this place to succeed and we're very thankful that it is open for business. In fact, it makes me happy to see the place full every single time I go out for dinner. It's a good sign; the community supports it. But we deserve excellent service, regardless of the (lack of) other options out there.

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

It happened, folks. The first big slugger in Major League Baseball has been suspended for violating MLB's anti-drug policy. That slugger? Rafael Palmeiro. Surefire Hall of Famer. In his 20 year career, Palmeiro has more than 3,000 hits and 500 home runs- only 4 other players in HISTORY have compiled those kind of stats.

You may remember that Palmeiro was one of the baseball players to testify in front of Congress in March on steroid use in baseball. All of this came under the microscope after Jose Conseco published his tell-all book with mighty interesting detail, pointing fingers at Mark McGwire, Palmeiro, and other well-known names. Palmeiro's testimony that day was particularly memorable, as he condemned Conseco for the "lies" in his book, and said emphatically in his opening statement, "Let me start by telling you this: I have never used steroids. Period. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that. Never."

Pretty believable, right? If you watched the testimony, you would think so. Congress was so taken by his words, that they appointed him to the No Tolerance Committee, a joint task force on steroids.

Faced with the suspension, though, Palmeiro now states: "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period. ... Ultimately, although I never intentionally put a banned substance into my body, the independent arbitrator ruled that I had to be suspended under the terms of the program."

So, what are we baseball fans to believe? Is Rafy just playing a game of semantics? Did he fool everyone into believing that he was telling the truth and never used steroids, even with Conseco's accusations? Or is he a true baseball star, playing by the rules and becoming one of the best at what he does, and accidentally ingested something that has traces of a banned substance?

Personally, I'd like to believe him, since he speaks so convincingly about his innocence. But seriously- how ironic is it that a guy who is accused by one of his peers of taking steroids, claims he is innocent, and then a simple urine test 4 months later shows positive results?

I just don't get it. If you've never used and have been accused, and the heat of the spotlight is on the entire season, I would think you'd be extra vigilant to make sure you wouldn't touch the stuff with a 10-foot pole, no? Even the stuff that's not exactly "the stuff," but kinda smells like it. Or acts ike it. Or has even a trace of it mixed in somewhere.

Something sure smells fishy.