A Dream, Deferred

Ever since highschool, I have always dreamed of making aliyah. It was at the same time that I found my "calling." I was going to help bridge the gap between religious and secular Jews, and Israelis and Palestinians. Where else can that be done, but in Israel? And of course, there is no denying my undying love for the land itself. Forget about the religious significance- the country is the most beautiful place in the world!

Many people have asked how I got turned on to conflict resolution. While the story itself is a bit personal, I can tell you that it was always second nature to me to put myself in someone else's shoes before making decisions. I'm quite helpless to it, actually- and to a fault at times. (There is a reason my mother always said that I was born with the word "sucker" imprinted on my forehead!) It affects most of the decisions that I make on many levels- interpersonal, communal, etc. So the answers to the questions on a larger scale, i.e., international and interethnic, seemed pretty simple to me. And if the answers seemed obvious to me, then it must be what I was destined to do.

So, putting it all together, making aliyah seemed like a no-brainer. I would graduate high school, spend a year in Israel, return to the United States and get an undergraduate degree, then move. That plan got pushed back so I could get a master's degree. Then that got pushed back so I could get a few year's experience working, to make myself more employable in Israel. And now, 4 years after the first deadline extension, I'm still in Washington, DC, looking for that experience (and maybe a partner to go along with me) and pushing off aliyah indefinitely.

Why indefinitely? Honestly, I don't know. No- that's a lie. I do know. A year and a half ago, I entered a semi-crisis mode, because I was seriously dating a guy at that time I thought I would one day marry, and aliyah did not seem to be on his radar. What to do? I had these two conflicting priorities, and I honestly thought I was selling-out if I gave up my dream of living in Israel. Crazy, I know. After sharing these thoughts with friends, I realized that I was being ridiculous. Finding love can be once-in-a-lifetime; my dream, on the other hand, could be fulfilled in plenty of other ways. In fact, I am doing it in some fashion now, by working in the CR/international development field, and focusing my efforts on the Middle East.

So that's the philosophy by which I've been living my life the past year or so (in case you were wondering, the guy ended up not being the one I am going to marry...alas). But every so often, aliyah gets pulled back to the forefront, reappearing from behind the curtains of my heart, and ever so slightly, throwing my world off kilter. I start to question myself again, and really wonder if I should take the plunge and go down the path that Jessica has so far successfully plowed thru. I'm comfortable here. I love my community. I have wonderful friends. I'm already 250 miles away from my adorable new nephew and the rest of my family. What would making aliyah to do all that? Is it something I'm ready to give up?

And again today, reading Jessica's letter (copied for you in the previous post), these questions present themselves to me. And to make them even more poignant, I realize that my life is now at a crossroads, yet again, because I am in search of a new job. Maybe I should just take the plunge and do it. What's the worst that can happen? When was the last time I took such a risk, anyways?