A Dream, Undeferred

A very good friend of mine made aliyah last year, and today she celebrates her "first birthday at the age of 25." She periodically sends out email updates to her friends and family, and I'm always struck by her poise, confidence, and drive. I'm posting her latest email below, and will shortly write more about my own feelings about making aliyah.

Turning One Year Old as a New Israeli:
Handling Aliyah as a Single Olah

This week marks my first birthday at the age of 25. Though it sounds a bit strange, in many ways I feel that the first year of aliyah brings so many new experiences and such new encounters that I had to learn some of the most basic life skills from the start. Examples like learning the skill of expressing yourself using words that you never knew before (i.e. in Hebrew), seeing familiar faces, sights and smells that you recall from that first visit to Israel so many years ago and simply encountering a new culture, all strike me as if I'm on a never-ending ride deja-vu. I have mentioned numerous times that flashbacks at random moments are not infrequent occurrences since I arrived in Israel. Set on building a new life and facing the challenge of starting from scratch at the age of 25, I frequently face life in Israel with an optimism, freshness and slight naïveté that only a second “childhood” would allow. I hereby turn an Israeli one year old, olah hadasha-style.

After a year of living here, I reflect back on those few individuals back in New York who actually tried to dissuade me from making aliyah as a single person (“not-yet-married,” “still searching”-- however you want to coin that one.) When I consider the complexity involved in making this significant move, I can now say openly and confidently, that I am so grateful I did this alone, without any partner by my side.

The primary impetus that drove my motivation to “take the plunge” alone was simply based on the fact that I found it a rare commodity, so to speak, to find similar Israel-guided individuals in the U.S., both for dating and social purposes. We are taught from a young age that as Torah individuals, we must surround ourselves with a good community; “make yourself a rav and buy yourself a friend,” says Pirkei Avot. In other words, find a community that will help you reach your potential; support and guide you along the best path for yourself.

In no way do I deny the incredible traits of my communities and friends in New York. However, there I was, living in the largest Jewish community in the Diaspora and I found that planning to live in Israel was more of a challenge than actually living here simply because the forces discouraging me, especially as a ‘single’ were so strong. Some people attempted to convince me to wait until I am married, while others blatantly told me that living in Israel should NOT be a top priority when looking for a spouse.

Although the search for ‘The One” does continue (don’t get too excited just yet), I am proud to say that aliyah as a single person is not only possible; it may even serve as an advantage. Having a high level of flexibility and independence actually facilitated the acclimation period and paved an open road for me to find the right niche for myself, both socially, community-wise and professionally. Without anyone dependent on me, I had the freedom to change what did not fit and find what did.

In other words: I needed this year to be single. I needed this time to accept and reflect upon my decision to move so far away from all that was familiar to me, all those whom I cherish and build a life for myself. I needed this year to overcome all those obstacles by myself. I needed this time to grow and develop into ME. Lastly, I needed this year to come to terms with the sublime inner-peace that comes along with knowing that I have fulfilled a dream that has been top priority since I was in high school!

Indeed, I am actually grateful that I made aliyah as a single person.

Many people that I have met admire me for coming here alone. In all honesty, I cannot imagine doing it otherwise. I do not wish to dissuade those couples and families who wish to make aliyah. On the contrary, you already have a built-in support system and another loved-one to share the experience with, so nu?Y’alla!

I just want to make that pitch to those singles who contemplate moving here, but hesitate or wait to find a spouse: it may actually be easier to make aliyah as a single person. Moreover, the likelihood of finding the “perfect marriage candidate” in the country in which you envision your future is A LOT HIGHER if you are actually living in that particular country (rocket science, I know.) If you have already taken steps to fulfill one dream to build your life, I humbly submit that it just may be easier to move onto the next step from then on.

Perhaps the concept of rebirth is a bit more clear now. Try spending a year restructuring every aspect of your life- ranging from the bed in which you sleep, what language you speak, the food you eat, your reactions to the way people treat you, the language advertisements are broadcasted in on the radio, in the bus station, in shul, in the theatre, how to explain common household issues, what traffic signs indicate and seeing different brands of shampoo and detergent in the pharmacy (even that is improving here). After all that, you will find yourself reassessing everything you know of life and yourself.

Even throughout those daunting changes, there is nothing to be compared to the sentiment you feel upon hearing children laugh and play together in Hebrew, overhearing two women in the gym locker room discover that they are from the same town in Hungary; one who came to fight in the Independence War, while the other arrived in the euphoric times post-’67. And lastly, there is nothing to be compared to standing in the airport welcoming two planes filled with new olim, young and old.

This week, I celebrate my first “birthday” or “anniversary with Medinat Yisrael” by welcoming more of her ‘children’ back home. Along with hundreds of others, yesterday we stood at Ben Gurion, waving flags and seeing North Americans kiss the ground of Eretz Yisrael, home of thousands of years of our history. Six planes filled with of immigrants from North America are expected this summer, with the unparalleled help of Nefesh B’Nefesh (I, too am a beneficiary.) Surprisingly, approximately five-hundred of these incomings are single (hmm, potentials, anyone?)

Collectively, we do not view life in Israel as a sacrifice. Perhaps that may have pertained to the situation a few decades ago, but today, living in Israel is becoming a prospect; a chance to fulfill the fantasy of millions of Jews throughout the centuries who never had such a golden opportunity.

There are those who compare the aliyah experience to a relationship where the up's and down's are inherent and expected. However, the commitment to the other encourages you both contribute to the relationship, being patient, flexible and giving. Giving and contributing as the way to show your love of the other person.

When we parallel this to aliyah, we will see the same. Ups, downs, frustration, euphoria…and giving.

This week, I gave back to the relationship. My life, Thank G-d, is wonderful here and I am grateful to be a ‘lifelong partner.’ Moreover, I feel privileged to welcome more of Israel’s children back to our country. It is as if together, we create a family; a network of North Americans, all who share similar backgrounds and wish to build a shared future together.

My life has indeed, come full-circle. Yes, my friends, living in Israel is back on the agenda of American Jewry and I can think of no better peer pressure.

To the singles, “not-yet-married’s”, “still waiting’s” and even for the couples and families, if you are considering moving to Israel and are up for an adventure that will leave you feeling more accomplished than ever, we await you with open arms. No one denies the challenge, but if we pass up everything that may scare us or pose a challenge to us, what would we accomplish in life?

On that note, on my “first birthday,” I wish to thank my family, most wonderful friends (if you are receiving this, you are one of them) who in so many valuable ways constitute a support system for me. In addition, you not only gave me the courage to actually pull this year off successfully, but continue to remind me that with all those obstacles and challenges, even your dreams can become a reality, if only you try. No one knows what the future holds for us olim- single and married, but at least we accomplished a dream without allowing anyone to hold us back.

Thank you for allowing me to fulfill my dream.

Happy first birthday to me… and many, many more.